First Things First
Approaching a provider, whether it’s your first time or your thirtieth, can be nerve racking. That’s why it’s important to take the time to take the steps to ensure the best possible outcome for both you and the provider.
Although every provider may have a different way of running their business, all of them start at the same place: their ad space. In my previous blog, How To Find The Perfect Provider I go over how to get through the process of finding that perfect someone to help you get what you’re looking for. Now that you’ve done that, your success rate at getting that dream girl to respond to you and be willing to see you has a lot to do with how you initially approach them.
When looking at a potential provider’s ad, there are 3 things that you should look for that will automatically help you get ahead.
1) See if they have a link to a website.
Some providers' websites will have an Etiquette or How To Book Me page, where they give specific details on how to approach them properly.
2) See if they have a preferred contact method.
Some ads may have a section for this while others may just include it in their bio. If there isn’t, you can ask them if there is a preferred way they like to be contacted.
If they state a preferred method, then please respect that. There is nothing more annoying than having 1 person trying to message you on every single platform just because you didn’t get back to them immediately.
Sometimes as a provider we get swamped with messages and it takes us a little time to get back to people between work and our personal lives. If you email me a few times after not hearing back from me, I don’t find that annoying. But if you text me, email me, and start blowing up my social media to try to get my attention, it shows that you do not respect my time and boundaries.
3) See if they state any specific requirements in their ad.
By checking if they have any requirements, you can automatically put yourself in front of the line by showing your potential provider that you are serious and respect their booking process. This helps avoid endless back and forth messages and shows that you respect our time. As with any business, time is money. We do not have time to have long conversations with everyone that contacts us.
When in doubt, Stick To the Basics.
A general good rule to go by when approaching any provider for the first time is to approach them with the following:
A polite greeting (ie. Hello, how are you doing?)
Your name (ie. I’m Alex)
Where you found them from (ie. I saw your ad on Tryst)
A time and date that you would like to meet them (ie. I’m looking to meet on Saturday for 1 hour)
Asking them if there’s anything they require to see you (ie. If you would like a reference, I am more than happy to provide one.)
If it is your first time meeting a provider, just tell them. (ie. It’s my first time)
Close politely (ie. Thanks, Alex)
“Hello, how are you? My name is Alex. Are you available to meet on Thursday at 3pm for an hour? Please let me know if you need anything else to see you. Thanks so much, Alex.”
Is there a “wrong” way to approach a provider? YES!
A few general rules to AVOID when approaching a provider:
Texting or emailing a provider just “hi”
Messages that are too short may sound like you’re not super interested or are fishing with a net (asking 20 girls at once and booking with whoever responds first)
Messages that have blanks on purpose (ie. “Hi my name is ____ and I would like to see you for one hour on ____ and am interested in_____”)
If you walked into a store and said “Hi my name is blank and I would like to look at blank because I’m interested in blank” the store clerk would either look at you like you’re crazy, walk away, or possibly even kick you out of the store.
The same rules apply for providers. We are a business. Treating us as such will get you booked faster.
Some other things to avoid when approaching a provider are:
Texting or emailing a provider anything explicit
Texting or emailing a provider constantly when you don’t hear from them
If you have talked to your potential provider and they said that they would get back to you, it is completely fine to check back in with them after a couple days. If you send a passive aggressive message though, the provider may decide that they don’t want to see you anymore. Any signs of aggression will usually automatically turn us off and make us move on to someone who is respectful.
Ignoring a provider’s instructions if they respond with how to see them
Texting or emailing a provider with fantasies, especially sexual ones
Texting or emailing a provider with acts you partook in with other providers
Texting or emailing a provider with comments of violent acts (ie. I’m looking for a dirty girl that wants to be choked and spanked you until they beg for me to stop)
Even if a provider advertises a specific service (ie. BDSM), it is important to ask for their consent at ALL stages of your exchanges. It is not sexy for a stranger to approach us like this, and will often lead to you being dismissed as an unsafe client. This type of behavior may also lead to you being blacklisted to help protect other providers.
Messaging a provider asking for free “proof” photos that we are who we show in our ads.
Keep in mind that we are a business, we make money off our content and we are not interested in “proving” anything to anyone.
A good golden rule to go by: If you’re unsure about a provider’s pictures, then just don’t see them. If you want to see more of who they are, check out their social media.
Messaging a provider with the intent of chatting with us for the purpose of “seeing if we’re nice”.
Once I have a fully screened client who I have already seen, I don’t mind checking in with them from time to time. For me, connection is really important to me as it helps me grow trust and familiarity. The more I get to know someone the more I feel comfortable during sessions.
There are exceptions of course (ie. I do not want to receive explicit images or messages from any clients. I like to have fun and can be very playful during sessions but outside of sessions it’s important to keep things respectful and professional, unless I have given consent or you have paid for a service.)
Asking for photos of your potential provider “to prove they are real”
Finding their website, social media, and looking through their ad gallery is a good way to get a sense of what they look like.
As stated in my blog post How To Find The Perfect Provider, if a provider’s ad only has 1 or 2 photos or images that look like stock photos, they are often shady accounts that generally should be avoided.
Sending dick pics (just…don’t…please.)
“Lastly, but most importantly, be patient and be kind, no matter the outcome. ”
In Conclusion, keep it sweet, simple, and straight to the point.
To ensure a response and a more pleasurable exchange between the provider and you, use the following steps as a guideline:
Look at your provider's ad in detail. Make sure you can afford them, that they fit a general type of girl you like, and that they offer the services that you’re seeking.
See if they state any specific requirements in their ad or website about their screening process.
Once you’re ready to approach your provider make sure you are using their preferred contact method.
When contacting them, keep your message short, direct, and discreet. No explicit images or messages, no essays, etc.
The perfect message looks like this:
“'Hi, my name is.... Are you free for a meeting on Thursday at 3pm for an hour? Let me know if you need anything else!'”
Lastly, but most importantly, be patient and be kind, no matter the outcome. Being patient and kind, even if you have to wait a few days, will help us see that you’re serious and safe and make us want to see you more than someone who sends passive aggressive texts after they haven’t heard back.
Keep in mind that we are business women/people but we are also human. We have an entire personal life outside of work and as much as it is ideal to be available 24/7 for everyone, it’s healthy for us to have boundaries. Sometimes that involves us to not be able to get back to you in a day or two or three.
Sometimes we are busy in our personal lives, sometimes we are swamped with getting back to messages and work, and sometimes we are just burnt out from work and need to take a day to recharge before getting back to scheduling for the next week or month.
